I do declare…

I have transferred my previous posts to my blogger account. I decided it had more options, and I’d prefer to just update there from now on.

You can find my blogger page here.

Thanks for your support.

Love,

Marissa

Peripheral

It is always a joy to not realize you have a chest cold until after you’ve gone for a run [hint: sarcasm].

After work tonight, I decided I would calm my spirits with a nice run. I had been developing a pretty hefty headache all evening, so I took some medicine before changing clothes and setting out.

The park was quiet and dark, with only brief patches of the track brightened by the orange glow descending from the “security” lights on their tall posts. It’s been an incredible night, with wonderfully cool air. It all seemed terrific…

Until I stopped running.

After having had a shower [in the community hall bathroom, where I was scalded three times], I now find myself with a distinct and very painful rattling in my chest, as well as an annoying cough. I still have the headache, and the hernia in my right calf is throbbing.

No pain, no gain?

It was still a nice night. I got to be outdoors and I had a few moments alone to just think about my day.

I also realized that, when I am running, I seem to lose my peripheral vision. I can see the track ahead of me, and I am not distracted by things sneaking into the corner of my vision- because it is not within my line of sight.

Call it elementary, but I often find myself delightfully shocked by simple realizations like the one I had on my run. I’m left in awe of the fact that I subconsciously block out distraction in such a simple form, to help myself focus both physically and mentally on the road ahead.

There is something very beautiful in being human. The fact that we have the ability to be conscious of so many things at once, to feel pain as well as pleasure, and to experience emotion, is absolutely breathtaking.

Imagine how many undiscovered abilities we may possess, but never uncover. Just the fact that we can continue to expand and store knowledge until the day we die is amazing enough. What if, somewhere buried in the deepest and darkest recesses of our minds, we have the ability to reach true enlightenment? Most of us have had deja vu at some point in our lives. What if this means we are somehow capable of seeing the future? The possibilities are truly endless. No one can say anything is impossible because there is absolutely no way of knowing, at this point, exactly what we are capable of.

It just makes me wonder- where do our true limits lie?

I think they lie in our doubt. We do not, as a species, have the self-assurance (or perhaps we have too much self-assurance) it takes to discover all the amazing things our minds and bodies could be capable of. I doubt we ever will. We’ve come so far over the years, yet now we seem to think we know all there is to know. We’ve discovered all that is important and that is that.

It’s a true disappointment.

I want to test my limits. I want to always question everything I am taught. Sometimes it can tear your world apart to unearth a new truth for yourself, but it is completely and amazingly worth it when you realize what an amazing thing you have achieved. When you realize that you’ve gone against the “norm” and found a place that is right for you, even if it is not accepted by anyone else of this generation.

I’ll stop now. I feel a tangent, or rant, or something similar coming on, and this has been jumpy and sloppy enough already. It could get painful and ugly.

I need rest.

Sorry for the abrupt ending. Perhaps I can organize my train of thought into a different post at another time.

Love,

Marissa

The Fallen

I have been enjoying the recent weather immensely.

It went from being unrelentingly hot and dry to being perfectly cool and breezy.

Even the shadows seem to be more enthusiastic.

Mike, my boss, called and left a voice mail on my cell today, while I was taking a Philosophy exam, telling me I did not have to come into work tonight. He is going to be working with the newest employee, to make sure she’s received adequate training. My services aren’t needed.

I cannot express how excited this made me.

Lately, I’ve been closing almost every night of the week, on top of my school hours. So you could definitely say I am in dire need of a break.

I took this newfound delight with me to the cafeteria, got my lunch “to go,” and took it with me to the park across the street from campus [Demorest Springs Park] to eat.

The park is not expansive, but I was alone. Just being able to look around me at the grass and trees, and to feel the breeze on my skin, was enough to calm all of my recent worries.

I absolutely adore days like today.

When I was finished with my lunch, I proceeded to an empty swing (foolish to say, since they were all vacant) to ponder my surroundings.

I noticed college students walking down the sidewalk from campus to their cars, or from their cars to class. There was nothing setting them apart from each other, and I realized none of them looked significant.

It is hard to imagine that my peers will one day become the influential leaders of the world in which I live.

I have trouble really picturing any of them in business suits, in politics, being elected into office, or leading a revolution. It made me wonder where the transition really is between childhood to adulthood. It’s really impossible to determine the answer, and I’m sure it is very different for different people.

I finally came to the conclusion that maturity is a predator. It sneaks up on you, catching you unaware. You don’t realize you’ve been caught until it’s too late.

No one realizes they’ve become an adult until it’s already happened. We will be left without our youth- having it torn right out from under our noses- wondering, “where has it gotten off to?”

After my potentially creepy observation of fellow students [okay- I really didn't make it that obvious], I turned my attention to a couple who had brought their toddler to the park to play. I considered the nature of young children.

When a child falls, he may cry for a moment. But after a brief time, he forgets his injury and gets back up. He goes right back to doing the thing that caused his injury. He is more determined than ever to overcome the obstacle.

It’s very hard to defeat a small child. They simply have too much determination.

Why is it that we lose this trait as we progress in years? Have we all been injured one time too many? Too many adults build up their defenses. If we are met by any obstacle, we try to find a different way, instead of overcoming the barrier.

In some situations, this can be looked at as a positive change. We will use oven mitts when fetching something from the oven in order to avoid being burned. In others, however, it can be the most tragic of developments a person can experience.

We may fight off love, arguably the most amazing emotion, act, and experience one can experience in their lifetime, for fear of having our heart broken.

Where a child would fall off the chair and furiously climb back to the top to prove his triumph, adults cower, and crawl away in defeat.

Food for thought?

I think I have presented enough for one afternoon.

Love,

Marissa

Changelings.

This is my first post, apparently. Hooray for me! Welcome, Marissa!

The subject of my first post is “change.”

A young man from my graduating class posted a bulletin on the infamous MySpace yesterday that read,

“People changed after graduation.

And some of them are starting to freak me out.”

I have absolutely no idea who he was referring to with this post, but it sparked a train of thought for me.

Change: it’s an extremely important aspect of our lives, as members of the human race.

Isn’t change what we were built for? I believe that life is all about changing and evolving until I’ve become the person I was born to be. The transition from high school to the real world is a huge change for most people. Whether you are moving away to go to college or staying at home- there always seems to be room for some sort of progress.

In fact, the biggest change I’ve undergone in years happened this fall, when I began college.

I’m attending a small, private college in Northeast Georgia that is located only about 15 minutes from my parents’ house. I live on campus, but I obviously did not, by any means, move far away from home. That does not mean this hasn’t been a drastic change.

I was used to my parents always knowing where I was and who I was with (though they eased up on their rules once I hit 18). Then I was thrown into a world where I didn’t have to report to anyone.

I found college to be exciting, but not at all close to all the things it had been built up to be by people who had been before me. In fact, I was severely disappointed. I have to work more than I ever have in academics, which always came very easily to me. On top of that, I have a job. I have to have a job.

Hours of class and homework don’t pair nicely with working 5 nights a week, so I hardly have the time to be a social butterfly. This has made the “making friends” thing quite difficult.

This was the biggest shock, I think, because I haven’t had that problem since 2nd grade. I’ve always been outgoing and almost overly-friendly. But college somehow destroyed the self-esteem I was finally able to develop, leaving me generally (for the first time since elementary years) shy and reserved. The one thing I was looking forward to most in college was making close, lifelong friends. All I’ve made so far are acquaintances.

People from high school would be shocked if they saw me in my new environment. I used to be loud and fun to the point of almost being hyperactive. Now I’m quiet, sleepy, and busting my ass just trying to get all my work in on time and pass.

Somehow I managed to get off on a tangent, and not go even close to the direction I meant to take with this.

My point was supposed to be that everyone was born to change. I consider this just a transition period until I become something bigger and better than before. What goes down must come up.

I have changed, and I am about to change a lot more. I don’t consider any of this a negative thing. Sure- certain changes people go through can turn out to be very bad. But change, as a whole, is a very positive thing for people to go through. It shows that we’re real and living, and that we’re actually making progress with our lives.

If the world was packed with people who never changed after high school, methinks it would be extremely depressing- even more depressing than the world is at the present.

With that, I am out.

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